sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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