A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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