so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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