Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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