I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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