It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Two words: nipple clamps
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