what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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