he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
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You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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