The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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