My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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