I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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