pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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