I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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