I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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