8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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