I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
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If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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