I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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