oh god the rape fog is back!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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