I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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