What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize