sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize