My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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