eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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