My cat gives me a boner
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shit in the fireplace
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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