Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
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Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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