He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize