Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize