He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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