I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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