Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
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I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's rum buckets o'clock
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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