YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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