a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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