Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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