hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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