The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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