i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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