see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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