yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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