She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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