I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize