You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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