good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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