All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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