Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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She's the barista slut.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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