You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize