I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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