This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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