my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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