If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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