ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
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Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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